I know, I should be studying at the moment, with the ongoing exams and all but, I couldn't help this...this feeling I felt. This lump on my chest, I felt so uneasy that I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing or thinking or reading or anything.

I tried to find the reason behind this, but to no avail. (To those people who think that I should have been studying rather than consoling myself, just so you know, I'm more concerned with my psychological problems than I'm with my school grades. Sounds dramatic, but well, who cares?)

Anyhow, there had been a terrible natural disaster occurred today. Japan was hit by an earthquake with the strength of 8.9 Ritcher Scale, moreover, Tsunami decided to pay a visit to the said country too. I might not provide the most detailed information, you know there's Google you could always use.

During this incident, I was apparently taking my nap (it's normal, considering that I barely got any sleep the night before). And, coincidentally, I had a nightmare (sort of). Umm.. Though it had no connection whatsoever with the disaster, it's still a somekind of a nightmare.

I really wish I could help. Everybody does. (Or at least I thought so.)

However there were some heartless people who actually MAKE FUN of this misfortune. I mean, they wrote: "At least now Japan doesn't have to worry that Godzilla is about to come anytime soon." Or "Why didn't Doraemon do something?" Or "Did anyone help Pikachu?" Or "Well, it's what you call as karma."
Come on people.

So far, I read that there were about 60 people missing or died (I'm not so sure, forgive my lack of capability to concentrate at the moment).

I think I'm gonna cut this section short, as if I continue to write, I might just write the same thing again and again (I'm having a serious mind-blunting-ness)
Japan, please heal soon.

So, about my feelings/thoughts.
Like many other people in this world, I so definitely hate it when all of a sudden people start acting nice to you just because you're having an upper-hand of something tha they want. For example: popularity, money, help, or something else (I can't think of more examples)

And I felt like I'm being a hypocrite for writing this, as there are times when I DO suck up to some people for advantages.
I hate it. I wish I could change.

Aside of that, there's another thing that bugs the shit out of me too.
Apparently, as anti-social as I thought or claimed I was, I still feel lonely at times.
Like the feeling when you feel completely alone in a room full of people.
Or maybe, when you silently glance at the group of friends hanging out and laughing amongst themselves
Or perhaps, whenever the sudden urge to just chat with your bestfriend on the phone, but then realise that you have no one to call.
Or it could be the moments when you just want to text people just for the sake of it, then everyone is too busy with their own things.
Or when you have so much to say and no one to listen to.
Or when you reply to a group chat/thing and no one even comments about your words, or even if one replies, it's just out of pity and comes about 15 minutes later.

Everyday I try to show and act as if I had what I wanted and was content with my life just the way it is. Like I'm okay with what was happening.

Well people, I'm not.

--
Ranting really helps :)
Dear future self, have a better life than the current me.